Welcome to my Breast Cancer Blog.
Welcome to my Breast Cancer Blog. I was diagnosed in July 2012 (Friday 13th to be exact!) with stupid Breast Cancer. I was 43. Believe me, it was not in my life plan. But shit happens. Deal with it.
Anyway, I have been writing this blog to try and make sense of it all. I write it as my alterego "BC Girl". Rather like "Hitgirl". Sometimes it helps to pretend to be someone else. My superpowers are (1) Fangirling (2) Moaning (3) Drinking Wine and (4) Moaning. Epic. And, unlike in real life, as BC Girl, I am sweary and bloodyminded. Mostly positive, with a handful of doom and gloom chucked in - come on - we all love a bit of doom and gloom - isn't that what sells papers, after all? I also hope I can be as fiesty as Hitgirl. I intend to fight this sucker with blasters, sub-machine guns, karate, cannons, tanks, laserbeams, nukes, flamethrowers and any other bloody thing I can lay my hands on! Also I shall throw in some comedy, irony, fangirling and music along the way, just for laughs. What harm can that do?
So this is my rambling blog, from a harrassed middle aged mum of two, with a long-suffering hubbie, trapped in the surreal world of Breast Cancer, with all the shit that brings (scans, chemo, operations, more scans, blah, blah, blah). I cannot promise words of wisdom. I cannot guarantee that any of this will make sense. But I can definitely assure you there will be LOTS OF MOANING about cancer crap!
And there will also be copius amounts of f a n g i r l i n g.
You have been warned.
Welcome Visitors.
All views and opinions expressed in this blog are my own. I hope that my experience will help someone out there who is struggling with a similar diagnosis or having a hard time. I welcome your comments. But I am a positive kinda girl so no negativity please. It bums me out! Now we know where we stand, sit down with a cuppa and read on......
News
"I've got the scars from tomorrow.."
28/06/2013 17:30
Well this has been a busy week. Let's start with Monday. Which was Lymphodema Clinic day. I had no qualms going in to the meeting. I was sure that the heavy feeling in my arm, and the pain and the slight swelling, was no way Lymphodema. It was just post-op swelling and the massive scar settling down. Well.... I was wrong (again!). The nurse looked at it and said straight away "Is your arm heavy? Is it painful?"We will measure it" and I knew then that I was afflicted.
I was told by Warrior Prince when I had full clearance that I had a risk of developing it, but it was probably unlikely. He said only 10-15% of women have a problem. Well, WRONG mate! If you weren't such a nice man I would send Oli Sykes round to your house to shout at you! (I can just picture him shouting "THIS IS SEMPITERNAL. " Perhaps he can change it to "THIS IS LYMPHODEMA" ? It has a good ring to it!)
But you're too nice. And its not your fault. But now I am buggered. As this is a lifelong...
Its like a paranoid, looking over my back....
24/06/2013 11:15
Well I'm blogging again. Sorry about that, everyone. I spent a wonderful Friday (!!) waiting at Royal Surrey for 2 1/2 hours to see the Oncologist. In the end I saw the Registrar who was very young (the doctors are getting younger, or am I just getting older?). She listened to all my complaints about how rough I am feeling - the tiredness, the nausea, the hip pain, the dying toenails, the "just not feeling quite right", the headaches, oh, and did I mention the tiredness? She nodded her head, said "nausea and tiredness is very non-specific", shrugged her shoulders and said "perhaps we should do some blood tests". Told her that I had the works done the week before. Off she trotted to find them only to tell me there is no record on the system - they appear to have disappeared. Which is helpful - not - especially as having blood tests is major for me due to the crappiness of my veins!
And then she discharged me from oncology as there is nothing more they can do for...
Return to me Salvation
12/06/2013 07:56
Thank you Warrior Prince.
He is confident he got it. All of it. The pathology confirmed it was all high grade DCIS. No IDC. And although the margin was only 2mm from the chest wall (which is very close!) he is confident it is all gone. So, apart from the hormonal therapy, no more treatment. No more chemo. No rads. No more operations. I am very relieved. I am done.
He was stressed. And a bit rushed. He was a bit "off". But I think he was running late and busy. And he didn't have to give me bad news today. Which made a nice change! So perhaps he wanted to save his energy for the ladies who needed a hand to hold. Like I did when the brick wall of the cancer diagnosis slammed into me.
He is referring me for a bone density scan (DEXA) to check out the hip which is still giving me jip! He says it could be a number of things but it isn't secondary cancer which is the main thing. I can deal with anything else. And I had to go and have more blood tests. Which took...
It's all good - I think???
06/06/2013 08:17
Hello everyone. Sorry I haven't "blogged" for a while. If the truth be told, I was quite poorly post-operatively. My body was hammered (not in a drunken way, but in a literal sense). I think it had been used as a battering ram for far too long. At least it battered the cancer a bit. That's all I can say! But anyway, it has taken a few weeks to get back on my feet. But here I am, four weeks on, and I feel a lot better. I can drive again - yay, I don't feel like a prisoner trapped in my own home - and I have all the dressings off now.
I have revisited my plastics team. We went down the other week - my two sisters and I - rather like the "Witches of Eastwick". We had to wait nearly two hours to see Mr Bond and Dr D'Arcy - but they were worth the wait! My younger sister, Sarah, had not met Dr D'Arcy before. She almost went into extreme fangirl mode. We both had a silent PHOAR moment when we saw him again. He had a haircut, so his lovely D'Arcy-esque curls had gone. But he...
Cancer you can bloody well do one now!
22/05/2013 10:21
Well. Here I am. Two weeks post-op(s). And I have had a bit of a wobble. Only a small one. A wibbly one. But a bit of a wobble yesterday, none-the-less. Things got a bit on top of me and my mojo went off for a wander. I think it needs a holiday from all the cancer bullshit.
I saw the doctor yesterday and I also had a long chat with Igraine, my BCN. I asked the doctor for some "Happy Pills". Yes, I know how utterly, utterly stupid of me. I don't need any more pills. I really don't - I rattle when I walk as it is. My medicine cabinet is probably a drug addict's paradise. But I just felt really low yesterday. I think it was the combination of lots of surgeries and all that entailed, probable withdrawal from the morphine, the really awful news about Margaret, and the realisation how very, very bad things could have gone. And also, as the doctor said, my body has been through major trauma. One op in itself would have been traumatic enough. Let alone four. She said it...
An Unexpected Journey
18/05/2013 10:55
As you probably have guessed from my previous blog posts, I like my music. and my gaming, And my fantasy. I love fantasy. And today I feel slightly like Gandalf, when he is with the fellowship on the Bridge of Khazad-Dum, ready to bash his staff on the ground and say "You shall not pass!"
Because tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 44. Nothing remarkable in that. We all have birthdays. Another year older. Not necessarily wiser. But this is my first birthday post cancer diagnosis. And I am standing on this bridge, betwixt the corridor of the past and the passage to the future, with the Balrog (or the cancer) howling in my ears. And I will not let her pass. She cannot cross this bridge. She cannot move forward. She shall not pass. And I am reminded of a quote from LOTR, by Boromir :
"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing."
Yesterday I had dressings clinic. Back down to East Grinstead again. And I took down...
For Margaret
14/05/2013 15:02
My amazing, brave, wonderful, fiesty, funny friend Margaret passed away this morning. Like myself she had Breast Cancer. We went through chemo together. I am absolutely devastated to hear this news. It was all very, very sudden. We were hoping to spend some time down in Exeter and meet up later this year. I shall raise a glass to you later Margaret. An amazingly talented dressmaker and a wonderful human being. My condolences to Ella, her daughter, and her partner and her sons. You are free of pain and flying with the angels now. I feel priviledged and honoured to have known you, even for only a short time. My life is richer for our friendship.
Mumford and Sons - I WILL WAIT - seems appropriate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGKfrgqWcv0
X
"Am I more than you bargained for yet?"
14/05/2013 12:54
Celebrities; Blood-sucking insects; Haribou munching surgical masters;Warrior princes and elvish queens; Surgical stockings; Chocolate Cake; Harry Potter-style scar; Extreme fangirling. Yep that was the week that was! It was a helluva ride. This is going to be a LONG post. If you have better things to do I suggest you put your laptop down. Move away from the PC. But if you have the time, (and the stomach for it!) please humour me and read on.
Right, let get's the rules of combat straight first. Being the battle-hardened, wizened, haggard, old bat that I am, I am savvy enough to know that only a fool goes rushing in, all guns blazing, without a plan and without back-up. You need a professional army. The best troops you can muster. So, please bear with me while I introduce my fellow protagonists.
Now, it would be ethically and morally wrong (and probably illegal) to name names of medical staff. So I am assigning them aliases and I set out our characters in this...
See you at the Bitter End
06/05/2013 10:49
"Since we're feeling so anaesthetised, in our comfort zone...." "We're running out of alibis, from the Second of May...."
"See you at the Bitter End.."
I forget how bloody good Placebo are. And this song just seems right for now. And Brian Molko is so gorgeous, in a feminine, androgynous way. But still gorgeous none-the-less. So I am blogging, listening to "The Bitter End" and other Placebo tracks. And Muse. And Fall Out Boy. And Radiohead. And Bring Me The Horizon. And Pink Floyd. And lots of other hardcore, kicking butt, rock down and party music. In anticipation of tomorrow.
Round 3. And this time, we are getting serious. So I am going to be off-line for a bit. I am going rogue. Black Ops. You're ain't seen me, right?
Early tomorrow morning, I will be prepped - in my surgical gown, with my surgical stockings on and covered in a foil blanket (no photos please - not a good look!). I shall be ready to do battle, with my Baco-foil armour on, warpaint on, I...
Just play the thing. And play it loud.
03/05/2013 16:19
Well, another day. And another hospital visit. This is the last "pre" visit before the big day next week. First stop - more bloods for "cross-match" (in the event of a transfusion being necessary). Again the poor right arm is knackered. It surrenders before we begin. So it's a hand job again. Ouch!
And then last meeting with the Plastics Surgeon (PS) who is accompanied by his Registrar who is the most cutest, pocket-sexy doctor I have ever met. So I had a PHOAR moment. Mr PS is looking fine too. We exchange pleasantries and handshakes. He notices I have been stabbed already, courtesy of the bloods room. I confirm that I am now officially done with needles (well at least until Tuesday any way).
Then we discuss music. I agree that as it is his theatre he is entitled to play whatever music he likes, including the Foo Fighters. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not hating on the Foo Fighters. I have the utmost respect for Dave Grohl and his fellow musicians. It's just that I...