It's all good - I think???

Hello everyone. Sorry I haven't "blogged" for a while. If the truth be told, I was quite poorly post-operatively. My body was hammered (not in a drunken way, but in a literal sense). I think it had been used as a battering ram for far too long. At least it battered the cancer a bit. That's all I can say! But anyway, it has taken a few weeks to get back on my feet. But here I am, four weeks on, and I feel a lot better. I can drive again - yay, I don't  feel like a prisoner trapped in my own home - and I have all the dressings off now.

I have revisited my plastics team. We went down the other week - my two sisters and I - rather like the "Witches of Eastwick". We had to wait nearly two hours to see Mr Bond and Dr D'Arcy - but they were worth the wait! My younger sister, Sarah, had not met Dr D'Arcy before. She almost went into extreme fangirl mode. We both had a silent PHOAR moment when we saw him again. He had a haircut, so his lovely D'Arcy-esque curls had gone. But he still looked good. I had dressed up to the nines with high heels on, skinny black jeans and my skull top. And then when I went into the consulting room, the nurse said "Please take everything off and put on this hospital gown". Bah! So they saw me in a stupid, flappy poxy hospital gown again!!!! GGGRRRR!!! What a waste of my time. But anyway, Mr Bond took all the dressings off. And he nodded his head and said "Looking good" (I secretly hoped that was directed at me rather than my pretty scars, but somehow I think not!). And we joked about the scar on my arm which is a jagged, zigzag, wavy line running from my elbow to my shoulder - we said it looked like he had been doing a dot-to-dot on my arm. He thought that was amusing and we all had a chuckle. And I asked him how the Muse concert went and he showed me some pics on his iPhone and I was very jealous. And then we were done. I had to reboook an appointment as he wanted to make sure he saw me again in July and we followed Dr D'Arcy out. Even from behind he is hot! And I said to my sisters, "Quick follow him out while I make this appointment" God, how embarasssing, he really must think we are stalking him or something! What a mad, sad, bad old lady I am!!!

And this week, feeling better and being able to drive, I was able to drop off some bits to the Team at my hospital. I took in cakes for all the Breast Cancer team; flowers, wine and chocs for Igraine; and wine and chocs for Warrior Prince. (I took stuff in before after the last lot of ops before the mastectomy in the vain hope I was done!). And Warrior Prince phoned me up that evening to say "Thank you" and to also tell me off because the cake would make him fat (really? I don't think so Warrior Prince!) and that I really should stop sending stuff up. Ok, ok, I said no more cake. I will have to nip the fangirling in the bud. But I really did want to get something for Igraine as she had been so upset after it all went pear-shaped during the DIEP recon. And I thought I can't give her something and not everyone else. So there, I have justified my actions! Meh, me bad. 

And whilst we were on the phone he said he had the path results back. And it was not too bad. There was a lot of high grade DCIS in the evil boob. So just as well we went down the mastectomy route. (High Grade = aggressive / fast growing. And DCIS is early stage Breast Cancer - which is curable if treated early and if it does not become Invasive - which unfortunately it has in my case as I have had tumours that have invaded the surrounding tissue and spread to the lymph nodes). And he seemed to think I would go onto Tamoxifen - which is the best oncologically for me at the moment. So it looks like no more chemo - which is a flipping bonus I tell you. But I will get all the definite lowdown when I see him proper next week and I will check to see what grade the tumour was (I suspect, as per last report, it is still Grade 3 - the most aggressive, which is poo!).

And I still have the darned hip pain. Which seems to be getting worse. And I am  still really, really tired. And I have been feeling nauseous for weeks now. And my whole body hurts. Evrything aches. And I wonder how I can feel so rough and still function? And will I ever have a pain free day again - like ever? ??

But things are starting to look up. And I dare, just ever so slightly, to hope that I am done. At least for the time being. I dare not say I am "cancer free" or even "cured". My consultant has always told me my prognosis is uncertain. And I have a high probablity (but not an absolute certainty) of the cancer either (a) spreading or (b) recurring; and the next two years are critical as this is when I am at the highest risk of such things happening. But I am not going to think about that now. I am going to hope I am done and it's about bloody time too! But let's not jinx things - I had best wait to see what Warrior Prince says next week.

So my track of the week (which is an oldie - sorry guys) is by "30 Seconds to Mars" and its called "The Kill (Bury Me)". The video is an homage to Stephen King's "The Shining". I have always loved that film. It is a brilliant movie and Jack Nicholson is superb in it. And I can kind of connect with feeling a bit crazy sometimes. This whole "cancer bullshit" can send you over the edge if you are not careful. And the lyrics are great as well :