Its like a paranoid, looking over my back....

24/06/2013 11:15

Well I'm blogging again. Sorry about that, everyone. I spent a wonderful Friday (!!) waiting at Royal Surrey for 2 1/2 hours to see the Oncologist. In the end I saw the Registrar who was very young (the doctors are getting younger, or am I just getting older?).  She listened to all my complaints about how rough I am feeling - the tiredness, the nausea, the hip pain, the dying toenails, the "just not feeling quite right", the headaches, oh, and did I mention the tiredness? She nodded her head, said "nausea and tiredness is very non-specific", shrugged her shoulders and said "perhaps we should do some blood tests". Told her that I had the works done the week before. Off she trotted to find them only to tell me there is no record on the system - they appear to have disappeared. Which is helpful - not - especially as having blood tests is major for me due to the crappiness of my veins!  

And then she discharged me from oncology as there is nothing more they can do for me at this juncture. Which is good - 'cos I don't want any more chemo, thank you very much. But it still doesn't help me with how I am feeling - there seems to be no answer. I suppose I should accept the inevitable that feeling rubbish is expected after all the treatment, nay it is "de riguer".

I had another blue slip for more blood tests so back to the blood room again. I really must get myself a zombie t-shirt or something for when I go to the blood room. I think it would be more practical. A nice red-blood-splattered one would be good.

And I am up to Lymphodema clinic today. I met a lovely lady while I was waiting for my appointment on Friday, who showed me her funky lymphodema bracelet - I am going to ask for one of them. And I am going to ask for my bloodtest results too. Someone better give them to me, or I might have to go green and all unnecessary. Alex, my amazing hubbie, said I need to start getting mad with people. I need to keep fighting or else I won't win. At the moment, I am too tired to fight. I really can't be arsed. 

I don't want to be maudlin or depressed about this. You know me I am usually pretty positive, even with all the shit. But lately, I've been losing sleeping, worrying. I have 2-5 years to wait before I am given the all-clear that I am in remission. That's a hell of a long time. I'm not complaining , I look forward to still being here in 5 years time. It's just a bit hard trying to move on with your life, when you have a monkey on your back. 

Anyway, to Lymphodema Clinic, and beyond.....