Welcome to my Breast Cancer Blog.
Welcome to my Breast Cancer Blog. I was diagnosed in July 2012 (Friday 13th to be exact!) with stupid Breast Cancer. I was 43. Believe me, it was not in my life plan. But shit happens. Deal with it.
Anyway, I have been writing this blog to try and make sense of it all. I write it as my alterego "BC Girl". Rather like "Hitgirl". Sometimes it helps to pretend to be someone else. My superpowers are (1) Fangirling (2) Moaning (3) Drinking Wine and (4) Moaning. Epic. And, unlike in real life, as BC Girl, I am sweary and bloodyminded. Mostly positive, with a handful of doom and gloom chucked in - come on - we all love a bit of doom and gloom - isn't that what sells papers, after all? I also hope I can be as fiesty as Hitgirl. I intend to fight this sucker with blasters, sub-machine guns, karate, cannons, tanks, laserbeams, nukes, flamethrowers and any other bloody thing I can lay my hands on! Also I shall throw in some comedy, irony, fangirling and music along the way, just for laughs. What harm can that do?
So this is my rambling blog, from a harrassed middle aged mum of two, with a long-suffering hubbie, trapped in the surreal world of Breast Cancer, with all the shit that brings (scans, chemo, operations, more scans, blah, blah, blah). I cannot promise words of wisdom. I cannot guarantee that any of this will make sense. But I can definitely assure you there will be LOTS OF MOANING about cancer crap!
And there will also be copius amounts of f a n g i r l i n g.
You have been warned.
Welcome Visitors.
All views and opinions expressed in this blog are my own. I hope that my experience will help someone out there who is struggling with a similar diagnosis or having a hard time. I welcome your comments. But I am a positive kinda girl so no negativity please. It bums me out! Now we know where we stand, sit down with a cuppa and read on......
News
Be Careful What you Wish For
06/02/2014 08:13
I am a wee bit angry. Really? Me - with my reputation? Angry? Come now Emma, that's not like you......
I am probably angry at the wrong things. Like people who think up idiotic ad campaigns like this one for Pancreatic Cancer:
I understand the message they are trying to get across. Yes, statistically Breast Cancer is more "survivable" and "treatable" than Pancreatic Cancer. However, Breast Cancer is also the number one cancer killer of women in the UK. I agree that there has been more research and more funding for Breast Cancer. Too many people with Pacreatic Cancer are diagnosed too late and have a very poor prognosis. I get it
Statistics don't tell the whole story. People are still dying from Breast Cancer. If it spreads, which is has a habit of doing, ultimately you will die from it. Metastic Breast Cancer is NOT curable.
I quote from a NHS document dated from 2012 :
"Breast cancer causes about 13,000 deaths each year in England and Wales and...
"Too Young to Feel This Old"
28/01/2014 08:56
Well actually, no. I am really rather old now you know. I have reached my prime and I am now on the spiralling downward, descending slope to middle-age and beyond. Which has gone past slippery and is positively lubricious! Yet I am not quite ready for a zimmer frame or a stannah stairlift. Although, yesterday, I felt extremely old and frail and stiff. I blame it all on the pogo-ing. Which I probably should not be doing at my age or in my condition.
You see Jess and I (along with my wonderful friend Tina and her sister-in-law) went to a gig on Sunday. WHAT? Another gig? Are you mad, insane? Yes.
I promised Jess. And a promise is a promise. So anyway, we went to the Album Launch Party of "Cavalier Youth" by You Me at Six in Kingston on Sunday evening. It was a bit mental. There were approx 500 sweaty, screaming, hysterical young girls, a few boys and even less Mums and Dads. And Me. And I jumped. T o e v e r y s i n g l e t r a c k. It was a brilliant...
Resilience
10/01/2014 11:31
Happy New Year. 2014.
"I'm gonna make it, bend and break. Say a prayer, but let the good times roll. In case God doesn't show." (greatest lyrics in the world courtesy of Fall Out Boy).
Firstly, some statistics for you (source Cancer Reasearch UK).
Cancer occurs predominantly in older people (aged over 50). More than 3 out of 5 of all cancers diagnosed are in people aged 65 or older, with over a third of cancer cases being diagnosed in those aged over 75. Half of all cancers diagnosed in the UK are in the 50-74 age group, and the most common cancers are Breast Cancer and Prostrate Cancer. Approximately 1 in 10 cancers are found in adults aged 25-49. The most common in this group are Breast, Skin, Bowel and Cervical.
In 2010, 49,564 people were diagnosed with Breast Cancer in the UK, accounting for a third of all cancer diagnosis in women.
11,684 women died from Breast Cancer in 2010/2011.
https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-info/cancerstats/reports/
But its...
No, my dear, it's not a Noo-dle, it's a Nod-ule!
11/12/2013 12:14
Yesterday I went back to Royal Surrey. To see Warrior Prince. Cue fangirl mode.
I had to wait over an hour. Whilst in the waiting room I swear I saw Neil Morrisey (or a very good-look-alike!),
Anyway, eventually he called my name. He said "Wow, you look really glam today. Amazing." I said "Oh, I have been out to lunch" (blatant lie!). Anyway in we go, for the obligatory, ex-am-in-at-ion. Lots of poking and prodding. I also got a neck masage. Not a real one, you understand. He was checking for lumpy bits. I pointed out them out - "here, here, here, oh, over here and one in my armpit - damn I can't find it now!".
I got dressed and then we sat down to discuss Tamoxifen, and all that jazz. He seemed to think my dodgy side effects might actually be from my thyroid drug, as I have been on it a long time (eighteen months). He said it may also have caused the ALT issue. I said I was only on 5mg every other day, and was due to stop in January. I also told him that I was...
You can keep the Tamoxifen, thank you very much, sir
04/12/2013 08:52
Two months since I last blogged. And I am still here! Yay! Anyway, I thought I had better write something. So here goes.....
I started the Tamoxifen. I knew it was probably a bad idea. But then this whole "cancer" malarky is a bad idea, so why change things now?
Seeing as my tumour(s) were super- oestrogen positive (go, girls!), Tamoxifen is the magic button. So anyway I started swallowing my little pill, once a day, 20mg of chemically induced menopause. I expected the hot flushes and the night sweats. Already had them for several months due to the chemo, but they have proceeded to ramp up a gear. I hardly sleep for sweating. We invested in a chillow and acupuncture - which has had NO EFFECT whatsoever. These are trifling inconveniences, however, compared to the nausea and the shortness of breath, which has got progressively worse.
I went to see the GP who prescribed me Metoclopramide - an anti-sickness drug which I had knowledge of whilst on chemo - and arranged...
Move away from the cancer lady. There is nothing to see here.........
08/10/2013 06:45
I haven't posted for a while. Things have been ticking along quite nicely. Nothing sinister to report. Good things have been happening too. So here is a just a little wee blog post. It's incredibly boring. Read at your own leisure. Or don't. It's up to you.
1. WARRIOR PRINCE RIDES AGAIN
I was at the Fountain Centre a few weeks back. Waiting for my acupuncture appointment. Whilst I was in the reception area, Warrior Prince popped in. He needed to book a room for a team meeting and wondered if the lovely ladies at the Fountain Centre could help?Cue fangirl mode. The ladies went wild. Much girly giggling. They all got a bit flustered. I told them he was my consultant. Instantly my qudos was increased. "He's your consultant. Oh, my! Do you not try and see him every week? I would if he was mine!"
He saw me and said Hi and gave me a big hug. We exchanged pleasantries and he took me into a side room for a quick chat and an update. We joked and chatted and I mentioned I was a bit...
"Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lips"
27/08/2013 08:46
Well as you all know, the last year has been a little bit crap (what with the stupid cancer an' all!). Don't get me wrong though, I am not complaining. Although we have had some shitty times, I have had a pretty good year really!. All the way through from diagnosis to treatment and out the other side, I have been blessed with a wonderful support network. Fantastic family. Amazing friends. A wonderful and dedicated team of doctors, nurses and surgeons. And of course, last but not least, music. Music has kept me going, through all the shitty stuff. I have made some great friendships on the way, sadly I have lost a few too. And I have met brilliant people. And all the way, one constant by my side has been my Music and especially Fall Out Boy.
Earlier on in the year, when it was extremely doom and frigging gloom, we booked Reading Festival Tickets. I wasn't sure I would even be well enough or finished treatment, but I was determined to go and have the best time with my...
"I am not afraid to keep on living"
04/08/2013 11:31
Famous Last Words. My favourite MCR song. Sadly, My Chemical Romance is no more. But their music lives on. And that's the great thing about music - its immortal. I never thought about mortality until recently. And I certainly don't want to live forever.
The 12th Doctor wil be unveiled tonite. And that got me thinking about the whole time travel/living forever thing. And a TARDIS sounds like a really good piece of kit. But as we all know, you can't change the past. That would create a paradox, or a wormhole into another dimension, or a yawning black hole. Who knows what mischief could be caused by changing the past or tampering with the future. Nothing can be written in stone. It is all fluid. In flux. We just have to make the best of it. But I did think that if you want a time machine, you can use an iPod, or a Radio, or a CD Player or a Gramaphone or any other device that plays muscial tunes. And play it loud. Because music is magical. It can take you back in the past...
The Blue Pill vs The Red Pill
25/07/2013 18:30
I always wondered what I would have done if I had been in Neo's shoes and had been offered the choice of the Red Pill or the Blue Pill? Stay safe with blue and live your existence, whatever it may be, real or fabricated. Or go with danger. Choose Red. And open up a whole new world of crap...sorry I mean Opportunity. Well The Matrix just got all a bit more uncomfortably real again. Damn, stupid bloody sci-fi.
We had a year of "cancer crap" We had some bloody good laughs along the way. But quite a few tears. And a lot of anger and rage and feeling sorry for ourselves. And then the anniversary came round and we all thought we were done. And then, 22nd July, my poor long suffering hubby, Alex, finds out his mum also has Breast Cancer. She will be having an operation in the next three weeks. So a year and two days to the day when I sat in front of the consultant and got the shitty news, we are back there again.
Now I am not a very religious person. But I think if there is a...
Happy Cancer-versary
13/07/2013 09:24
Well here we are. One year on. Last year on Friday 13th July (dun-da-dah) we got hit with the sledgehammer. A big, rusty, ole' mean one. I now have two birthdays (like the Queen!). One BC (Before Cancer) which was filled with 43 trouble-free, chugging along, happy years. And the other one. 1 AD (After Diagnosis). And although I am scarred to hell physically, emotionally and mentally I am doing bloody great, thank you very much.
You see, it has been tough, It has been shitty. I guess you guys already know that. Sorry for being so - like - obvious. And we have had lots of tears on the journey. But we have also had lots of laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. I remember lauging so much in hospital after my DIEP I was crying (although it was blooming painful!). I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by an amazing family and wonderful friends. I have met some great people on the way. And, I feel empowered. I beat it and I have got this far. So I intend to...