An Unexpected Journey

18/05/2013 10:55

As you probably have guessed from my previous blog posts, I like my music. and my gaming, And my fantasy. I love fantasy. And today I feel slightly like Gandalf, when he is with the fellowship on the Bridge of Khazad-Dum, ready to bash his staff on the ground and say "You shall not pass!"

Because tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 44. Nothing remarkable in that. We all have birthdays. Another year older. Not necessarily wiser. But this is my first birthday post cancer diagnosis. And I am standing on this bridge, betwixt the corridor of the past and the passage to the future, with the Balrog (or the cancer) howling in my ears. And I will not let her pass. She cannot cross this bridge. She cannot move forward. She shall not pass. And I am reminded of a quote from LOTR, by Boromir :

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing."

Yesterday I had dressings clinic. Back down to East Grinstead again. And I took down presents for the protagnosists. And cake. Lorraine, my friend, aka, Elanor Took, makes blinding cake. She has kept me well fed and supplied with cake and cookies on this journey. And hobbits are good company. Loyal. Brave. Possessed of great courage. Adept at throwing stones.  And I saw Mr Bond and Dr D'Arcy and Mr Butler again. Beowulf was otherwise engaged. And I gave Mr Bond a packet of Haribos, saying"I know how much you like them!" and everyone laughed. So we had a good time. And all the dressings got changed. And my hubbie saw the scar on my arm for the first time. He nearly passed out. It is a mother of a scar. I think Aragorn would be proud of it. It looks like I have been in a fight with an Orc. And I am pleased to say that the Orc came off worse!

And I have been in a contemplative mood. Because, although everything went tits up last week, in the end it was all o.k. I am still here. A bit bashed, bruised and battered. But still fighting. And my friend Margaret is not. And her diagnosis, although slightly worse than mine, had no indication that less than a year later she would not be here. So that really sucks. The fragility of life. So I am pleased, probably for the first time in my life, to being another year older. I can't say I am cancer free yet. Not yet. But I am doing o.k.

Sorry, a very maudlin, self-absorbed post today. What a load of rubbish. Right I think I better put some music on and go and fire up the X-Box before I try and slit my wrists or something.